Forever asking, Where’s my f ing vape? This funny retractable vape lanyard keeps it close at hand and might finally put an end to searching the sofa cushions. Wear it around your neck, attach your vape and keep it within easy reach. A sweary, silly and genuinely useful novelty gift. Vape not included.

If “Where’s my vape?” is one of their most-used phrases, we may have found the answer.

The Where’s My F*ing Vape? Retractable Lanyard** is a funny but surprisingly practical way to keep a vape close at hand instead of repeatedly wondering where it disappeared to.

Worn around the neck, the red lanyard features the brilliantly blunt “Where’s My F*ing Vape?”** wording and a retractable holder designed to keep the vape within easy reach. No more checking pockets, rummaging through bags or pulling apart the sofa cushions five minutes after putting it down.

It’s one of those novelty gifts that gets a laugh when it’s opened but is actually useful afterwards – particularly for that friend or family member who seems capable of losing their vape while sitting perfectly still.

Why They'll Love It
Funny, sweary and genuinely useful.

Retractable design keeps their vape within easy reach.

Helps put an end to the constant “Where did I put it?” search.

Features the “Where’s My F***ing Vape?” slogan.

A fun novelty gift that they'll actually use.

Great for birthdays, Christmas, Secret Santa and stocking fillers.

What's Included
Where’s My F***ing Vape? Retractable Lanyard Holder

Vape not included.

This funny vape lanyard makes a great novelty present for the person who's constantly misplacing their vape. It works particularly well as a birthday gift, Christmas stocking filler or Secret Santa present when you want something inexpensive, funny and a little different.

And unlike plenty of joke gifts that get a laugh before disappearing into a drawer, this one has an actual job to do. Clip on the vape, wear the lanyard and the next time they automatically ask where their vape is, hopefully the answer will be: right there.

Why Choose Funky Hampers?
With over 20 years of experience in the gifting industry, Funky Hampers is one of the UK's highest-rated online gift companies, with thousands of 5-star reviews across Google and Trustpilot.

You'll also find our gifts through well-known retailers including Next, Very and Freemans, while tens of thousands of people follow Funky Hampers across social media. We're an established UK gifting specialist with years of experience finding and creating gifts people genuinely enjoy receiving.

Frequently Asked Questions
What is the Where's My F*ing Vape? Lanyard?**

It's a novelty neck lanyard with a retractable holder designed to keep a vape close at hand and easier to find.

Is the vape included?

No. The vape shown is for illustration only and isn't included with the lanyard.

Does the holder retract?

Yes. The lanyard features a retractable holder, allowing the attached vape to be pulled towards you when needed.

Is this a good Secret Santa or stocking filler?

Yes. It's especially good for someone who's always losing their vape and appreciates sweary humour, making it a fun choice for birthdays, Christmas, Secret Santa or a novelty stocking filler.

Delivery Information

We only despatch and process orders Monday to Friday. We do not despatch at weekends or bank holidays. If you order on a weekend your order will not be processed until the next working day.

We do not offer same day delivery on any of our products.

During busy periods such as Christmas, orders can be delayed. We will always aim to deliver on your specified date where a date has been selected. If you choose deliver ASAP, we will not prioritise your order and it may not be shipped the same day.

Delivery Options

Click here for more details

Are you looking to order in bulk?

If you are ordering over 10 items, please feel free to order all of your items online in one go. Then at the checkout page, click the multiple addresses button. You can then send us the different addresses for us to ship to.

We welcome corporate orders and can accommodate most budgets. We are happy to fulfill on your behalf to clients, staff, colleagues or customers. We can personalise hampers and even include your own additions to our hampers, for example greetings cards or brochures.

If you would like to discuss a large bulk order or something that is a bit more unique, please contact us.